“What’s it to you, anyway?!?” she spewed. “It’s my life!”
Her words stung. I wanted to argue, to set her straight. Instead, I just answered in thought: “Oh, child. You have no idea how intertwined my heart is with yours for your entire life.”
Like God’s with ours.
My heart breaks when my children struggle, whether because of their own choices or circumstances out of their control. I grieve for them and with them. Sometimes, it’s the grief of despair, but other times, it’s the grief of jealousy.
I am Jealous for My Children
I’m a jealous mom, and I’m proud of it. Not like a possessive stalker who limits someone’s world, controlling their every move and making themselves their whole world. (Though I must admit, I have sometimes indulged in a bit of social media snooping when it comes to potential boyfriends, with varying degrees of subtlety and not always the best reactions when caught.)
My jealousy is like God’s jealousy for us.
In Exodus 34:14, Moses names God Jealous, for he “is a jealous God” (ESV). What does this mean, and why is it a big deal?
God is Jealous for Us
God unapologetically forbade his people to worship false gods and idols like the surrounding nations (or our culture). He commanded them (and us) in Exodus 20:5, “You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God.” When the Israelites worshipped carved images, it provoked him to anger, “For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:23-24).
Exclusive worship is non-negotiable because God created people for himself from creation forward. He saves us and makes us his treasured possession (Deuteronomy 26:18). He is our heavenly Father, and from the moment Adam and Eve’s sin defiled man’s nature and separated us from God, he provided atonement and reconciliation through death through the shedding of blood.
For the Israelites, animal sacrifices atoned for sin. For us, Christ came to earth as a man, the Lamb of God, and the final sacrifice for our sins, atoning for our sins once and for all time (see Romans 6:10). He was separated from his heavenly Father so that we don’t have to experience the same hell for eternity. Our sins were imputed to him on the cross so his righteousness could be imputed to us in his resurrection. When God, by his manner of love, makes us his own by grace through faith (see 1 John 3:1 and Ephesians 2:8), he’s divinely jealous for the entire new heart of flesh he gives us at the moment of our salvation to replace the stone one (Ezekiel 11:19).
I think of my husband. I am jealous for all of his romantic affection. I am not willing to share him with other lovers. I won’t. I’m jealous for his good and that no harm comes to him. It’s the same with God. He’s jealous for his children’s affection. He does not want to share us with other lovers. He wants his good for us and not harm as we seek him with all our hearts (see Jeremiah 29:11-13).
God is divinely jealous for our consecrated hearts’ rightful, reasonable, and exclusive worship (see Romans 12:1 and John 17:19).
Our Jealousy for Our Children
Our jealousy can be divine, as well, when it’s the fruit of our desire to see God hold the rightful, reasonable, and exclusive worship of our kids’ consecrated hearts. We must be careful, however, because our jealousy can also become the ungodly kind that James calls “earthly, unspiritual, and demonic” (James 3:15 ESV). Its fruit is bitterness (verse 14). It’s a selfish, ambitious work of the flesh to gratify its desires, leading to disorder, strife, and every vile practice (James 3:16, Romans 13:13-14, 1 Corinthians 3:3, and Galatians 5:19-21). It leads to sin that tears down rather than builds up (2 Corinthians 12:20). I know this to be true from personal experience. When consumed by it, ungodly jealousy threatens genuine, intimate relationships.
Our last chick flew the nest on January 5 with the words “I do.” While I delight in our kids’ independence, marriages, children, and tight-knit sibling community, my flesh longs to preserve some form of preeminence (which Colossians 1:18 assigns to Christ alone). My jealousy over their gain in the face of my loss is a recipe for disastrous family dynamics.
Even as I battle, God tenderly convicts and directs my heart away from this ungodly jealousy to what Paul calls godly or divine jealousy (2 Corinthians 11:2). This jealousy looks like a burning desire to see them know God and the fullness of who he is and what he has for them regardless of my perceived priority in their hearts or lives.
A good question I often ask myself is: Am I jealous of my kids or for them?
Prayers of a Jealous Parent
While Christ paid the price for God’s divine jealousy, others pay the price when our jealousy is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. When God convicts you of ungodly jealousy, agree with him, confess your selfish jealousy, and ask his forgiveness. Then, take your stand and seek him wholeheartedly as you pray that he will consume the hearts of your children.
You might pray something like this:
Lord, forgive me for selfish jealousy and replace it with yours. I surrender my heart and relinquish my kids to you. I am jealous for them to know the fullness of your peace when fear and worry weigh them down; your rescue when they’re ensnared by a love for the world and its things; freedom in Christ when performance, overwork, men or money master them; joy in your presence when they feel alone or seek happiness from people and pleasures; hope anchored behind the veil when visited by disappointment and despair; contentment when they believe something in the future will make them happy now. Thank you for your jealousy and consuming fire for us to know and experience your good for your glory. Let it be so in our and our kids’ lives today, amen.
