As I washed the travel-torn feet of indigenous Wayúu women in Colombia, an evangelism rock star shared the gospel next to me. I thought, “What’s wrong with me that the gospel doesn’t burn in my bones like that?” Instantly, comparison welcomed discontentment to sit for a spell. Have a foot bath. Get comfy. Why not? She is a familiar companion with a long, stealthy record of bad influence.
Comparison ensnares us in the condemning trap of “not enough.” Someone is better, has better, does better. With our eyes set on their better, we feel inadequate, discouraged, and defeated. The inverse could also be true. We think we are better, have better, do better, and—puffed up in pride—we condescend, condemn, or hold others hostage to our superior standard. Neither glorifies God. This is the world’s way. Through Paul’s writings, God reveals the better way for us.
The Better Way
In 2 Corinthians 10:12-13 (ESV), Paul exposes the unfruitfulness of comparison. He writes, “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you.”
God wants us to find our joy in the area of influence he assigns us, not in someone else’s. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 tells us, “Aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and [that] you may lack nothing” (NKJV).
Paul addresses the relationship between motive, mindset, and actions. Our desires steer our thoughts, which steer our actions, including what captures our gaze. The outcome is either contentment with joy or discontentment.
Based on these verses, here are “Three Checks to Kick Comparison to the Curb.”
Three Checks to Kick Comparison to the Curb
Check your ambition.
What desires drive you?
Misplaced aspirations have landed me in a lot of trouble. When God first opened doors for me to write, teach, and speak, I chased the spotlight, hoping someone would discover me. I saw others who had what I wanted, and I strived to bring that same attention to me. About ten years ago, the Lord confronted this desire for fame in Jesus’ name (ok, let’s call it what it is…idolatry), and he began to divert my gaze from being known—a loud life to draw attention—to knowing him and seeking his will and glory (a work in progress).
God wants us to study, labor, and strive for a quiet life. He longs for us to be at rest as we hold our peace or “stay in our lane,” right where he has us, doing what he has us doing. We can follow the example of Paul, who “learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (Philippians 4:11-12 ESV).
Mind your own life.
What occupies your thoughts and attention?
God’s plan for me is the life he’s given me, and his plan for you is yours. He doesn’t want us to merely stay in our lane, but to learn to love our lane, because he assigned it.
I’m reminded of Jesus’ post-resurrection conversation with Peter when the disciples’ nets were empty after a night of fishing. They found Jesus waiting for them on shore. He miraculously filled their nets, fed them breakfast, and then revealed Peter’s future to him, including how he would die (see John 21:1-19).
When he tells Peter, “Follow me,” in verse 20, Peter looks (and maybe even points) at John and asks, “Lord, what about this man?”
Jesus answers: “What is that to you? You follow me!”
When we focus on others and question God—“What about them? Why can’t I have their life? Why do I have to do this and they don’t?” and so on—I believe Jesus would answer us the same way: “What is that to you? You follow me!”
Like steering a horse, the turn of our head will determine the direction of our walk, so we must divert our eyes from others to Jesus. Because no form of worldly influence will move us toward contentment in Christ, we may have to unfollow, mute, and otherwise walk away from certain influences and influencers we access through social media, shows, podcasts, music, books, or print media.
Get busy.
What occupies your time, talents, and treasures?
To work hard with your own hands is to be committed to and engaged in the roles and responsibilities God has assigned you. When I hit comparison bottom, I inventoried my life. I listed all the people and obligations God placed on my plate, quickly revealing I had no time to live someone else’s life or calling! I prayed for clarity, confessed self-inspired obligations, released commitments that served my own agenda, and learned to wait for God to say yes before I did. Then, I got busy. I structured my work week, days, and priorities to serve (1) my husband in marriage and business, (2) my family, (3) my church, and (4) the women God brings me in friendship and discipleship. Today, I can live, serve, and work from a place of rest, not striving.
Consider an inventory of your life. What roles has God given you (not the ones you’ve assumed for your own gratification)? Who has God put in your life to love and serve (not necessarily the ones you seek to have)? What responsibilities has God assigned you? Are there relationships and responsibilities God never asked you to take on? As you review your inventory, ask God what he wants you to know and do about it.
Our heavenly Father only gives good gifts to his children, so whatever he’s given us to be and do, is good. As we learn to be content and love our lane, we’ll find contentment is the antidote to comparison.
