I have yet to meet anyone with no regrets. Some poor decisions are greater in scope and consequences than others, but all are still unfortunate. Many of us, if given the chance to go back in time for just a moment, would love the opportunity for a redo (a mulligan for you golfers!) for some of the things we wish we had done differently—or not at all. Some poor decisions have negative moral, relational, financial, emotional, or even physical ramifications that may still affect us today. While a person must take responsibility for past failures and sin, it is also important to experience and live in God’s forgiveness and hope.
Forgiveness is a central theme in the Bible, reflecting God’s love and grace toward humanity. The Scriptures emphasize the importance of forgiving others, but they also provide insight into the necessity of self-forgiveness, particularly when grappling with past failures. Understanding this concept through a biblical lens can be a transformative journey.
Forgiveness Is Rooted in God’s Character
David acknowledged the gracious forgiveness that can be found in God. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” This verse captures the essence of divine forgiveness, illustrating how God separates our sins from us, offering a fresh start. If God, in His infinite mercy, can forgive our wrongs, we are called to extend that same grace to ourselves. C.S. Lewis pointedly said, “I think that if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”
It All Begins with Grace
We cannot even experience a relationship with God in the first place without grace. It is foundational to our faith. Ephesians 2:8-9 states, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” This grace is not contingent upon our past; it is freely given. We cannot earn it. When we hold on to guilt or shame from past failures, we inadvertently reject the grace that God has extended to us.
Failure Is a Part of Being Human
Romans 3:23 declares, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” This universal truth reminds us that everyone makes mistakes. The key to forgiving ourselves is to accept our humanity and recognize that failure is part of being human. We create space for healing when we admit that we are imperfect beings. Sometimes our regrets are the result of willful and ill-conceived decisions, while at other times, they are a matter of acting on incomplete information or experience. Regardless of the cause, the result is the same and stems from human frailty—another reason we all need God!
The Power of Confession
Once we have owned our past failure or sin, confession is the first step of forgiveness. In 1 John 1:9, it states, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Acknowledging our failures before God not only leads to His forgiveness but also helps us confront our own feelings of guilt and shame. Notice that God does not present a list of unforgivable sins or failures. Though we may still suffer the consequences of our poor decisions, it does not mean that we cannot be forgiven for them—and even forgive ourselves. This act of confession can be liberating, allowing us to release the burdens we carry and receive God’s grace.
Transforming Lessons from the Past
Self-forgiveness involves reflecting on our past and recognizing the lessons that can be learned. The Apostle Paul was certainly a man who had a lot of past regrets. Until he experienced his conversion to Christ on the road to Damascus, he had been responsible for countless innocent people being imprisoned and even put to death. There was no way to ever go back and repair the damage he had done. He had to learn to live in the grace and mercy of Jesus and move forward in forgiveness. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul writes, “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” This scripture encourages us to learn from our failures without being defined by them. When we shift our focus from regret to growth, we can embrace a future filled with hope and purpose.
Take Your Burden to God in Prayer
Often, we need God’s help in forgiving ourselves. Philippians 4:6-7 reassures us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” By bringing our struggles to God, we open ourselves to His peace and guidance, facilitating our journey toward self-forgiveness.
Don’t Carry It Alone
Talk to someone you trust and who truly cares about you. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” While not easy, it can go a long way in helping you let go of the burden. Paul reinforces this truth in Galatians 6:2, where he instructs us to, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Sharing our struggles with trusted friends or mentors can provide perspective and remind us that we are not alone in our experiences.
Embrace Your New Identity in Christ
Forgiveness transforms our identity. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, we read, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” When we accept God’s forgiveness, we also begin to view ourselves through the lens of our new identity in Christ. This shift is crucial in the journey of self-forgiveness, allowing us to see ourselves not as defined by our failures but as beloved children of God.
