When my daughters were younger, I remember taking them to see the live-action Cinderella. This story has always been my favorite fairy tale. Don’t we all love a rags-to-riches story? One where the main character has every reason to be discouraged and bitter but instead remains positive and kind, even to those who mistreat them. This theme is reiterated several times in the movie and is first spoken to a young Cinderella by her mother:

“I have to tell you a secret that will see you through all the trials that life can offer. Have courage and be kind.” 

For our marriages to become more godly in today’s culture, Christian husbands and wives must also have courage and be kind. But what does this look like within marriage?

Have Courage

First, let’s discuss courage. The Bible says,

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

In context, God was encouraging Joshua as he followed His guidance, reminding him that He would always be with him. Similarly, as we seek to build a marriage that honors God, we can trust that He will be with us. 

One definition of courage is “strength in the face of pain or grief.” Every marriage will face challenges that require courageous endurance. Couples must persist through hardships—whether they stem from unforeseen circumstances, moral failures, or selfishness. The covenant we made with our spouse calls for unwavering commitment.

Christian marriage is a lifelong commitment, no matter what comes our way. Its primary purpose is to mirror God’s image (Gen. 1:27), which is why Satan works tirelessly to destroy it. Courage means understanding that it is God’s will for our marriage to remain intact and refusing to give up.

Reflect on these verses and what they say about courage in marriage: 

Joshua 24:15 — “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” We must fully commit to our marriage, even when the world promotes different values.

Galatians 6:9 — “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.” Staying the course and working through difficulties is crucial. Trust in God’s plan.

Be Kind

Secondly, kindness is essential in a godly marriage. Paul writes,

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

Since believers have received kindness from Christ, we must act with kindness to others, especially our spouse. Kindness is taking the initiative to show concern for the welfare of our spouse, no matter the costs. Genuine kindness reveals a selfless and compassionate heart without expecting anything in return. In other words, we constantly seek ways to be kind to our spouse because our love for them supersedes our love of self. 

Unfortunately, in my years of teaching and ministering to couples, there has been no shortage of unkindness between spouses. Even couples that have been married for years have often been very unkind to one another. God desires us to have a marriage where we are always looking for opportunities to show kindness to our spouse. Be intentional. Be proactive. 

Reflect on these verses and what they say about kindness in marriage: 

Ephesians 4:29 — “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Your words matter. Find ways to give encouragement and gratitude to your spouse consistently. 

1 Corinthians 10:24 — “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” Your spouse is much more than just a neighbor. Look for ways to serve your spouse by your actions. Do the unexpected. 

Colossians 3:13 — “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Be a spouse who forgives quickly and does not hold grudges. 

Courage and kindness are two vital parts of pursuing a godly marriage. My wife, Lori, and I continually strive to grow in these areas. Great marriages do not happen by accident. Work at it because it is worth it. Make the commitment now and ask God to help you “have courage and be kind” in your marriage.